Life was great, I can remember I looked forward to going to school, and learning. I remember the times when everything was so...right. Nothing seemed wrong, and you believed everything. You never doubted anything because that little child in you wouldn't let you. When you were sad all your mother would have to do is hug you. Then when you get older things change. It was in 6th grade when my life started down the wrong path. The beginning was great I had made it to the 6th grade, and with the eager to learn child in me I was ready for anything, or so I thought. Within a month I knew something bad was going to happen. The days got longer, I cried more and more everyday. I faked sick so I wouldn't have to go. "Granny let me stay home just this one day, I really dont feel good" when I really wanted to say " Please dont send me to school, so I can be punched and called really awful names" but I didn't. I let them continue the taunts and continue and continue...Then one day I saw a needle. Just a needle, but then I picked it up and with a glare of hatred in my eyes I slowly pressed it to my wrist and slid it across, I couldnt feel anything the pain of life had numbed me. I continued using the needle for many months then I pick up a razor, slowly I broke the blades out. I would come home from a awful day, and I would sit in my room and just cry and cut.Then It got worse. Now remember when I said you believed everything, well I believed in God, up until my 6th grade year. 6th grade had took my life, my God, My happiness everything away from me...It even got to the point where I almost gave up and I was laying there with a knife in my hands ready to end it all... Obviously something that night changed my mind. I dont know exactly what time it was but I know that if it wouldnt have been for my mom calling me that night I would not be here, my mother called me minutes before I planned to do it. She didnt know anything about what I was thinking. She just told me how much she loved me. With her saying that I just started feeling so selfish, how could I end something that meant so little to me but meant so much more to others. So that night suicide planning was abandoned, now I'm not saying that was the night that I became happy, but it was the night that saved my life. For the next few years i continued to cut. Crying myself to sleep and it wasnt until about September of 07 did I decide to quit cutting, It was more emotionally draining on me than the depression at this point. Its been about a year and a half since the last time I cut, Ive replaced cutting with art, weather it be singing, painting, or writing. All these of these things have helped me, and continue to help. Depression is a growing thing, but it can be overcome. To all my readers of the blog, Please contact me or anyone affliated with Angels for Everyone, if you feel like you cant talk to people. Like I said I still struggle with it, but life has got so much better since, you just have to stay strong till you reach the end of that dark road, light will come.
0 comments:
Post a Comment